I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
