Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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