I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
