Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
