I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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