im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
