I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
We were destined to go to rehab together
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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