never play flip cup with pint glasses
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
