Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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