So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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