I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
