Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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