This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
the gays at disneyland are vicious
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
