If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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