The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
