Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Randomize
