she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
