C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
