yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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