She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm too high and old for this...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
