At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
