i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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