Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
