May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
