clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You ruined the universe
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He did a backflip because drugs
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
