There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
