Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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