I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
