So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
sarcasm needs its own font
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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