I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
