Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
