So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
