i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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