Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize