I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
