So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
