im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
