last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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