fuck your aforementioned shoe
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize