I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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