i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
