It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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