Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Your cock deserves a montage
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
