I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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