the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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