I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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