I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
