I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
