My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
