I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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