oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
People with herpes should wear stickers.
only if we run a train.
done.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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