I smell stomach acid.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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