Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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