It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize
