Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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