Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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