So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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