i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
