so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Randomize
