Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
