got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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