I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
