Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
