They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
