can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
