Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm just crazy horny about you
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
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