New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize