I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
