He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
