When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
