I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
