Tell her she can't have a vagina
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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