PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize