Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
