I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
