I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
