he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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