ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
The Olympian is in my bed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
