so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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