Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
