i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize