you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
