Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
