I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
