My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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