My balls are so social today.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
