Got a toothbrush?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Randomize
