I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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