She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
