so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
