Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
