Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
