There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Enjoy the penises
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
