Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
