OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
