Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
