I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
