girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
