for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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