my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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