Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
