Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
now i know why i became what i already was.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
