I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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