that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
