obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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