Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize