i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
