Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
