He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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