Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
