I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
