Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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