Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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