So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize