Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
