Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
