i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
be right there i have to get my cape
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
